Steven LaChance Blog

Right after my sister died, I went down a spiral questioning absolutely everything about life. I became angry and bitter. My mind was filled with questions, but one kept circling louder than the others: are we really in control of our lives, or is everything already decided and fate simply set into motion?

Fate. There is a frightening word.

The idea that our lives might already be mapped out. That we are nothing more than characters moving through some cosmic program. God’s version of The Oregon Trail. But even in those early computer games, you still had choices. You still had some control over the outcome.

That thought led me somewhere darker.

If everything is already fated, then why even bother trying? Why put effort into anything at all? If life is predestined, shouldn’t it all unfold regardless of what we do?

So for a while, I stopped trying. I stopped putting effort into things because I wanted to test that idea. If fate were real, life should simply carry me where I was supposed to go.

It did not work that way.

Life still demanded participation.

That realization shifted the question for me. Maybe every moment is not fixed. Maybe only the ending is. Maybe the day we are born, our last day is already waiting somewhere ahead of us, and there is nothing we can do to change it.

But that thought creates another problem very quickly.

Because if every death, every tragedy, every horrible thing is part of some divine design, then that places all responsibility into God’s hands. And honestly, that made me angry for a very long time.

How could it not?

If every act of suffering was allowed, chosen, or written in advance, then what kind of loving force would do that? That bitterness can poison you quickly. Mine nearly did.

Over time, though, after years of pushing against boundaries and trying to understand life through experience instead of rage, I came to believe something else entirely.

I believe we do have free will.

I believe we hold the controllers to our own lives, but there are still rules to the game. There are consequences. There are limits. There are things beyond our understanding. Some things are chance. Some things are choice. Some things may forever remain mysteries.

But our decisions still matter.

The way we love people matters. The way we hurt people matters. The way we respond to grief, loss, cruelty, and pain matters.

And honestly, that places a whole lot more responsibility back onto our shoulders, doesn’t it?