queer

  • The Umbrella That Covers Us All

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the word queer lately. I’m a gay man, and I’m also part of the queer community. To me, those two statements are not contradictory. One describes me specifically. The other describes the larger community I belong to. I understand why the word queer makes some people uncomfortable. It was…

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  • You Were Never Broken

    You Were Never Broken

    Can you imagine being a kid, going to church, doing your best to be good, and then hearing something that changes your world? The very thing you were born to be, they are saying, is unholy. That you are unholy. You go to school, so happy to make friends, and that’s when you’re called “fag”…

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  • The Mourning After

    The Mourning After

    Today is the first day of Pride Month, and I have complicated feelings about it. The truth is, I wish we did not need it. I wish we had reached the point where nobody cared who someone loved. I wish we had reached the point where a month dedicated to Pride was no longer necessary…

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  • Before They Said It Out Loud

    Did you ever want to say to someone: “You can invent whatever little stories or excuses you need to tell yourself and other people. But in the end, this comes down to one simple truth. You’re a homophobe. And deep down, you know it. What’s more important is that I know it. And I always…

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  • When Silence Becomes the Rule

    This week, legislation tied to proposals like the one introduced by Tim Walberg is being pushed at the federal level. We’ve already seen the blueprint in Florida with what became known as the “Don’t Say Gay” law. It started the same way. Curriculum. Appropriateness. Protecting children. People said it was limited. People said it wouldn’t…

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  • Never a Mystery

    Never a Mystery

    I always hated the game that was being played around me. “Is he or isn’t he?” It was never anyone’s business to begin with, and if it mattered that much, all they had to do was ask. I would have answered. The truth is, the people who needed to know, knew. I was always resentful…

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  • The Punchline Was on Him

    The Punchline Was on Him

    You know, I came out to my parents before anyone else. My mom was the first to know. Then again, a mother always knows. I believe that is true. It was not easy being the odd man out in a family. You learn to adjust. You learn to pay attention. Every time I encountered homophobia…

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  • Inside Grace

    Inside Grace

    I’ve spent some time over this past week writing about the crucifixion and the resurrection. Not because I felt the need to explain them, and not because I think I have answers that anyone else doesn’t. I wrote because I had something to say, and because it is still rare to see a gay man…

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  • You Don’t Need Fixed

    You Don’t Need Fixed

    I grew up in a time when you could turn on the news and hear people tell you, plainly, that if you were an LGBTQ+ young person, something about you was wrong. Not misunderstood. Not still figuring it out. Wrong. And it wasn’t quiet. It was said out loud, in living rooms, on television, in…

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  • I Want You to Know Who I Am

    It was around 1998. I was dating a man who lived in Columbia, Missouri. He was a tennis player. A handsome man who looked a little like a young Robert Redford. I fell hard for those blue eyes and that chiseled jaw. At the time I was raising my three children on my own. On…

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