Grief

  • I Did My Best

    I Did My Best

    These are thoughts from the quiet moments in the morning, from a night that was too long. Sometimes the quiet in the early morning gets loud enough that I finally let myself say it. Not out of frustration. Not as a defense. Just because it is true. I did my best. I was a very…

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  • The Emotional Pandemic

    The Emotional Pandemic

    This morning I sat down to write and worked on a few things. The grammar was right and the punctuation was right. The sentences did exactly what they were supposed to do, and that was the problem. None of it felt like me. It felt like I was behaving on the page, keeping things in…

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  • Before the Because

    Before the Because

    Stop for a moment. How are you feeling right now? Not what is happening around you. Not what you have been reacting to all day. Just the feeling itself. Are you sad and not entirely sure why? Anxious? Unsettled? Tired in a way sleep does not seem to fix? For this moment, strip away the…

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  • Walking With My Father

    Walking With My Father

    I had a dream last night that stayed with me long after I opened my eyes. It felt real in that quiet way some dreams do. In the dream I was walking with my dad at Christmastime. We were at Northwest Plaza in St. Louis, going to see Santa, and I was maybe four years…

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  • It’s in the Bloodline, Honey

    A dream of my grandmother revealed a truth that lingers: we inherit more than DNA. We carry the stories, emotions, and unfinished dreams of those who came before us. It’s all in the bloodline.

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  • The Last Chorus

    The door to the bar opened and light flooded in. The sun was rising outside but we didn’t care. We sat at the bar, still half-dreaming from the night before. Roy was behind it, wiping glasses, humming along to the sound system. I can still see him smiling at something silly Anni had just said…

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  • I’m Wondering

    How many places do we touch in an average day that once held meaning for the living? How many rooms have we slept in where someone took their last breath? You might think that sounds strange, but is it really? How many hotel beds, how many houses, how many quiet corners have absorbed a final…

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  • I woke up this morning missing my dad. The thought of not being able to talk to him leaves this sickening hole in my heart. The grief takes you by surprise and knocks the wind completely out of you. Something good happens and you want to tell him. Something bad happens and you want to…

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