Steven LaChance Blog

There are times when I wish I could go back to the days before I saw the darkness for what it really is. Before I understood how deep it runs, not just through the world, but through people too. The difficulty comes when once you have seen that darkness, you cannot unsee it. You cannot close the door or pretend it never existed. It lingers, patient and unbothered, waiting in the corners of memory. The hardest part is knowing it was never something you chose. The darkness chooses you.

I do not talk about it much anymore. My own haunting was not one thing but everything tangled together. Monsters. Ghosts. Demons. Or whatever you want to call them. They came together like a storm that would not pass, dragging with them the worst of humanity. The cruelty of people can be every bit as terrifying as what hides in the dark. Sometimes it is worse.

There are moments when I look at the world now and I cringe, because I recognize those shadows moving again. I have seen them before. I have felt their breath against my skin. I know what it means when good people stay silent and the monstrous begin to feel safe showing their faces. You do not make it through this world as a gay man without learning what that looks like up close. You learn it in their words, in their laws, in the quiet hatred that hides behind polite smiles.

And yet here I am. Still standing. Still believing there is light worth fighting for, even after seeing how far the dark can reach.