Steven LaChance Blog

When I was raising my three children as a single gay father in a small Midwestern town, I had to hide being gay. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to do, it was something I had to do. I had come out at 29 to the people in my life who truly mattered, but to the rest of the world, I couldn’t.

The truth is, being a single gay parent in the 1990s was dangerous. There were so many ways to be attacked. It would have been easy for someone to try and take my children away from me simply because I was gay. So, I did the best I could to protect them.

That meant if I had a relationship, it had to remain hidden. That meant I couldn’t fully commit to anyone. For the most part, it meant I worked, came home, and lived a life removed from the LGBTQ+ world. Those years were hard.

Today, when I look at gay families, I feel proud of them and happy for them. I wish my life could have been like that. Still, I see traces of hate seep in from the world that hasn’t fully changed. The argument the hateful always fall back on is that children will somehow be groomed or forced to be gay. That idea is, of course, ridiculous.

I’m a gay father who raised three heterosexual children. How do I know? Because I raised them to be who they truly are. I didn’t raise them to be confined by the same hateful and ridiculous rules I had to live by.

One of the most touching moments I’ve experienced is when my children introduce me as their father, and then, without hesitation, introduce Rick as their stepfather. That’s who they are. That’s who I raised them to be.

In those moments, I see clearly that I helped change the world by instilling the right values in my children, and I realize I don’t need to be ashamed of hiding when I had to. I understand now that I was changing the world in my own quiet way, that I was a catalyst who helped make it possible for these beautiful families to exist today.

And that, I take real pride in.

Happy Pride, everyone.